Hello, this is Kojima from SelfHack Lab.
Today I would like to share my own experience and what I have learned about how to respond when someone speaks ill of you.
Patience is not a virtue, but a sign to recognize complacency
We have been brought up to be patient and endure.
In fact, the Buddhist concept of "gaman" is
The state of being "arrogant about oneself"It seems to refer to...
In other words,
A strong attachment to "how I should be"
The belief that "I'm not wrong"
It may be tormenting our hearts.
Experience | A small misunderstanding caused by time overrun
One time, I was in an interview and the time went a little longer.
This incident led me to indirectly hear people say that I was "someone who doesn't keep to time."
I felt confused at first, but then I thought about the difference in our goals.
- The other party said, "I want to proceed according to the overall schedule."
- I want to make sure that the people in front of me can leave with a smile on their face.
Both are correct.
But what I can do in that
"Efforts to finish on time" and "kindness in saying a few words"I realized this and improved it.
What happens in the long run to people who talk bad about others?
In my experience, people who spread slander are
It may feel refreshing at that moment,
You gradually lose the trust of those around you.
Badmouthing"It comes back to me".
This is the flow that I have seen many times in the field.
The ability to let go of emotions and focus on the present
When someone speaks ill of you,
"What assumptions were I holding back?"
"What was the other person holding?"
This is your chance to calmly observe.
You can't control the other person.
That's why we shouldn't be swayed by our emotions.
Bring your attention back to what you need to focus on in this moment.
Just being aware of this will make your mind feel much more at ease.
Summary | Badmouthing others can be a learning opportunity
When someone speaks ill of you,
It's natural to feel angry or sad and think, "Why would you say that?"
But that incident,
"Signs to look into your heart"Maybe.
- Why did you react to that statement?
- What should I do now?
- What can we learn from this experience?
By asking questions like that,
Even badmouthing can be turned into an opportunity to improve yourself.
There is a book that gave me this perspective.
I also learned this realization from a book I came across.
"Suffering comes from the gap between reality and our own selfish beliefs"
When you read this book,
"Why are we so swayed by relationships?"
"How do I ease my mind?"
It all suddenly makes sense to me.
The book that gave me insight,
I would be so happy if you could pick up a copy.
I hope this realization will give you some hints.
SelfHack Lab
From Kojima
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